Sunday, September 11, 2016

A Short Western Story

Old John McGinnity was getting in his morning exercise by hopping in his golf cart and cruising around on the streets of Sun City, Arizona. He pulled into the median of one of the streets and threw his dog out on the grass to do its business while holding onto the leash. He drove along with the dog trying to keep up. He stopped and watched the canine sniff the bushes and complete his daily habit of crapping in the grass. Finished, the animal hopped in the cart and Old John started off down the median to the nearest intersection. Deciding to take a shortcut home, he drove onto the cement walkway on the golf course and putted along slowly for fifty or a hundred yards and came to a sudden stop.  He had been waylaid by Cranky Fred, the golf course cop.

"Where do you think you're goin', old man? The golf course is restricted to players, so turn your car around and git the Hell off the grounds," said Cranky Fred.

"Git outta my way!" yelled Old John. "I'm goin' home!"

"Not this way, yer not. No one is allowed on the golf course unless yer playin' golf, and I ain't lettin' you go any further. Turn around and git motorin' off the course."

"I'll beat the holy crap outta you, if you don't git outta my way. Move, so I can git by!" yelled Old John, startin' to climb out of the cart.

"Come ahead, and we'll see whose goin' to beat the crap outta who," warned Cranky Fred.

Old John managed to get one foot on the ground before he was hit in the chops by Cranky Fred. Fred, in a fi now,, threw a left jab that caught Old John in the right side below the ribs and knocked the wind ouit of his sails.

Old John pulled himself the rest of the way out of the cart and fell to the ground with a swing aimed at the left eye of Fred. Of course, he missed, and Cranky Fred kicked him in the stomach while he was down.

"You'd better git back in that contraption and turn around, before I git any madder, y'ole son of a bitch," said Fred. "Go! Git in there."

"I'll kill you, you dirty pig," said Old John. He swung at Fred's head, catching him high on the cheekbone, drawing blood.

Cranky Fred was getting crankier now, and lambasted Old John several times until he fell back into his cart with a bloody nose, a black eye, and couple of bumps on his forehead.

A lady was watching the ruckus out of her rear window from her house on the side of the golf course and called 911. The cops showed up as Old John fell into his cart. One cop called the ambulance while the other checked on both men's.injuries. Cranky Fred just had the cut on his cheek, but Old John was taken to the hospital. They were each given a ticket for assault and battery and told to "Fight it out in court."

There was an actual case similar to this and it was determined that Cranky Fred was in the wrong and had to pay up. He needed some anger management and it cost him more money than it was worth.



  1. I could picture the whole event as I was reading. Oh, and I am one of those old guys who sometimes motors around in a golf cart, but unlike old John I have my clubs along. Good story, interesting that it is based on a true one.

    1. Some people are over-zealous in doing their job. Thanks, Neil.

  2. Glad they didn't resort to gunslinging!

    1. The way its going here, they may be throwing lead soon. There are all kinds of dudes and lasses carrying weapons now. Someone's is getting sot every day, but it isn't as bad as Chicago - yet.

  3. Nice little story, Oscar. I was hoping the two cranky ol' men would pull guns on each other.

    1. They would have if they had 'em along. Arizona is an open carry State, which means you can take a gun about anywhere.