Things Learned Growing Up

Warm cowflop feels great when squeezed between the toes on a hot summer day.

Smoking "Indian tobacco" doesn't do a thing for you.

Hiding condoms in old, broken-down autos is not a good way to teach kids about sex.

Jumping off houses may result in shorter or crooked legs.

Head cheese is not all that bad.

Scraping the hair off a dead pig is a tough job for a seven year old.

Riding a horse bareback may cause blisters.

Jumping in a canal to get rid of lice may or may not work.

Getting a tick off the scrotum can be painful.

Old medical cures do work. My grandpa lived to be almost forty.

Putting sulphur and tobacco paste on your chest doesn't turn it yellow.